Me, myself and I

Being married and  having two kids was surely a blessing.  However, I began to lose focus during this time of my life for several reasons.  Firstly, being such a young mom at 22years old was a  heavy responsibility.   Secondly,  I began to feel like I was missing out on having a good time with girlfriends, and there was still a void inside my heart that was not being filled at home.  Not to mention, around this age I was learning who I was, what I like to do, and the places I like to go. 

I simply wanted some ME time. How selfish of me. I made many mistakes that forced me into a divorce.

 I repented and asked God for forgiveness.  Unfortunately, at this point I did not understand the love that God had for me and how he loved me even when I was unloveable.  I am encouraged by John 3:16. God knew of every sin you would ever commit. Yet, In spite of that, He gave his only begotten son, so that we would have life.

   A wound is an event , healing is a process.  I began my healing process by attending the Kingdom hall with my children reguarly.  Interestingly, my heart was not there any longer.   I did not feel the love from my friends and family that I'd known all of my life.  I was being judged and comdemed.  I was looking for Love and acceptance from them, however I was shunned.  God is a God of  love, not comdemnation(John 5:24)

God planted a seed of destiny in me from the beginning of time. My failure did not changed what I was destined to become. 

There was another major turn of events at this time of my life. I met a new Man ! I began dating again.  There was one problem.  As a Jehovah's Witness we were only allowed to date within our religion.  At this point I chose to stop attending the kingdom hall.
 
Unfortunately,  I was  unhealed, lost, Broken, rejected and lonely.  Certainly, I was not quite ready for a relationship. Yet, I needed fulfillment from a Man, a Friend, Money, even Work.   I had'nt quite realized that true satisfaction and wholeness comes from knowing and communing with God.   

However, Psalms 40:2 says, "He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my Goings!"   Little did I know, I was on my way to Salvation.  I may have been in the driver's seat up until this point in my life, but Jesus was holding  the map.